this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
