I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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