ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
