i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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