my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize