every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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