how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
