Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
