I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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