I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Two words: nipple clamps
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