Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
