is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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