I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
