Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
