The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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