So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
