If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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