i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
