So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
