I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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