the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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