Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
