I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
