I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
