i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
