i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
