also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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