called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
