My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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