You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
