How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize