well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're like the curious george of whores
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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