I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
