I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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