Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
