Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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(706): View more from Georgia

You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

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(707): View more from California

the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.

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(703): View more from Virginia

the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

Fav 23 4793 1693
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(817): View more from Texas

he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

Fav 42 2383 8317
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(801): View more from Utah

Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

Fav 6 4297 1559
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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

Fav 2 2245 1352
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(515): View more from Iowa

WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????

Fav 4 398 271
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight

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