I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
