Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
