ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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