I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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