I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Your dad touched me again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
