Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
