He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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