Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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