I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
