Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
