I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
