Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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