So drunk its hurt
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
