Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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