My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
