The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
