The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
