I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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