I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
