so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
