All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
