The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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