No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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