you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
