apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
