After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you traded sex for a burrito?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
