Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
