me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
