My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
