There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
