This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
