what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
