Got a toothbrush?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
