everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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