No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am one with the molecules
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
