I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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