I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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